I am literally sick of the unjust justice system. Is the discourse so powerful that black bodies remain worthy of murder. I’ve spent most of my life playing my music loud. Sometimes it was an act of resistance, me saying eff your ears, eff the rules, so what you don’t like rap. Other times I wanted to be recognized and achieve the type of masculinity called for in my community. And then at other times I just wanted everyone else to enjoy the song I listened to. That’s why we used to put 12’s in da trunk of our cars, so that we could beat down the block knocking pictures of da wall. The older that I have gotten and the greater need for me to police my body so that I can continue to eat, I began to turn my music down. I admit that I sometimes get disturbed when I hear younger people’s music from their headphones or phones, I be like “please turn that down, I don’t want to hear that.” I guess I have become Sweet Dick Willie, Coconut Sid, and ML from Do The Right Thing who hollered at Radio Raheem “turn that shit down, play some Bobby ‘Blue’ Bland or somethin’!” I am getting old, but I not getting murderous. Jordan Davis, a teenager, was murdered for being a kid and doing something that many kids do-play music too loud for the ears of old folks. Another black body murdered because his body and what he embodied was deemed as a threat. I am tired of this shit. I am tired of policing my body so that I don’t scare white people. I am tired of the pain I feel when I hear about murders against black bodies. I am tired of having to explain why I am tired. I am tired if having to tell my son and other sons to be careful. No matter how much I police myself or try to tell my son to do so, no matter how much education I have, or how much success I might get, how exceptional white people think that I am, at the end of the day my black body and my son’s body are still targets for murder or other forms of violence because of the way that people read us. And that is something that I live with every day.