Maco L. Faniel

Not physical pain

But that pain that lingers over you

And gets inside of you

That tries to take over you

That begs for attention

That makes you wanna cry

But won’t allow you to cry

That slows you down

And tries to screw you

That chops you

That pain that makes you question you

It’s the pain that hides behind your eyes

That creates tension at the front of your head

That makes you wanna hide because you think everybody else can see your pain

But its only in your brain

Yet, its still a drain

I know that pain that you can’t hope away

That pain that you try to forget but at the moment everything gets quiet it speaks so loud.

That pain that is not easily triggered, but when it is it renders you immobile cause this pain makes you fragile and will still around for awhile unless dealt with

I know that pain that hurts

That pain that begins to change you

Because it’s the type of pain that overwhelms you and warps you

I know that pain that will keep you in the bed, in the dark, under the covers, for a few days, with no shower, that feels like what you think death might feel like.

I know that pain that gets deep down in your veins and clogs your arteries cause it’s the pain that slows down your heart.

I know that pain that causes anxiety cause it reads danger in almost every situation

I know that pain that you can’t resist.

I know that pain that makes you wanna control everything and everybody so that you won’t be reinjured.

I know that pain that don’t trust love, but easily finds more hurt.

I know that pain that is co-dependent.

It needs another hurting person to keep it company.

I know that pain that self-medicates

I know that pain that runs cause running seems to work all the time cause staying hurts so bad.

And when it hurts so bad, when it hurts so bad.

You shed many tears

And lord knows

That I have screamed “this can’t be life, there’s gotta be more”

I know that pain that has suicidal thoughts, that wanted the pain to go away, and hoped for the body to stay.

I know that pain that can’t find the words to pray causing you to just sit there and stare wondering if the spirit will actually make intercession if  you moan and groan.

I know that pain that’ll make you stay even though you know you need to go but the pain of leaving seems much worse than the pain of staying so you keep praying asking for a sign but the pain is so loud that you can’t hear the word.

I knew that pain.