I wanna say something but the words that I wanna say are fighting through the pain that crowds my brain.
I wanna love so hard that you never know what it feels like to be unloved.
But I’ve been unloved and as much as I want love, I don’t trust love, or that someone can love me the way that I need to be loved, so I struggle with love.
Not that I can’t give it.
But sometimes I don’t know if I can receive it.
But I still grieve it.
And I know that I need it.
I need love like I need air to breathe.
I need love that will allow me to be, not love that wants me to be something that I will never be—somebody else or something to make you comfortable.
I need love that conquers all, even those small devils.
You see love for me is in the details.
Not just you saying it, which matters so much
But love is at the end of your finger’s touch
Gliding through the contours of my waves or down from my wrist to my fingers.
Love is that question after a long day that says “How was your day?”
Love is telling me to call my mama cause sometimes I forget.
Love is me proving to you that it’s okay for you to be who you are at every moment
So I love you when you are excited, depressed, angry, in pain, delirious, depressed, sad, crazy, inspired, melancholic, sexy, on bad hair days, on good hair days, when dem folk at your job get on your nerves, when you are unsure of who you are, when you are sure of who you are, in your yoga pants, in a bad ass dress, in my gym shorts, when your breath stank, when your nails have that little bit of nail polish left on it that I keep looking at wondering when you go get that taken care of, cause my love is that constant.
But damn it.
I don’t get it.
~ Maco L. Faniel